'My boyfriend of three years has never once bought me a gift’

‘My boyfriend of three years has never once bought me a gift’ – The Blind Spot

Katlego Sekhu

A listener shares that in over three years of dating her current boyfriend, he has never bought her a gift. She loves gifts, and birthdays are especially important to her.

Recently, her ex—who understood her love language—reached out, hoping to rekindle their relationship.

Now, she feels torn between staying with someone who doesn’t speak her love language and giving her ex another chance.

“I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years, and during that time, we’ve celebrated three birthdays together. However, not once has he bought me a gift. The first birthday didn’t bother me much because it was only two months after we met, so he didn’t really know me well yet. For the other two birthdays, he simply sent me a ‘happy birthday’ message—that was it.

“When I explained how important birthdays are to me, he said he comes from a background where birthdays aren’t really celebrated, so they don’t hold much significance for him.

“My birthday is coming up in a month, and my ex—who I was with for four years—asked if he could take me away for a weekend. My ex always made a big deal about my birthdays, spoiling me for days during my birthday month. I’ve missed that kind of attention over the past three years. I know for a fact my boyfriend hasn’t planned anything for my birthday.

“It’s so frustrating to get the attention I want but from the wrong person. Now I’m left wondering whether I’m with the right man or if I should take the risk and go on this weekend away so I can truly celebrate my birthday. The person who has my heart doesn’t pay attention to the things I hold dear. I’ve shown him how much it matters to me, but he’s still holding on to how he was raised.

“I’m seriously considering the weekend away. I’m turning 32, and I want to have a proper celebration. What could be my blind spot in all of this?”