Feel Good: Finding out you're the other woman

Feel Good: Finding out you’re the other woman

By: Natasha Archary

Unless you prefer to be “the other woman“, finding out you’re in a third party situation is usually not ideal. There’s a lot of hurt, rejection and feelings of inadequacy attached to being the “side”.

Often, when a man cheats on his partner or wife, it’s her feelings that are taken into consideration and hardly ever that of the other woman.

Men who lead both women on, do so because there’s an undeniable thrill in living a double life. There’s no empathy for how their infidelities affect the women they’re with.

Andy Maqondwana wanted to know how listeners found out they were the other woman. With cheating becoming such a regular thing in relationships, expecting complete monogamy today is a big ask.

So, you find out the man you’re with is either married or in a committed relationship, what now?

You just need ONE red flag

The general rule of thumb in relationships is that you should look for the red flags from the very beginning. However, you just need ONE red flag which will indicate that your person is hiding something from you.

If you’re aware that he’s with someone else and still decide to be with him for whatever reason, just know that nothing good can come of it.

Men who are married will seldom leave their wives, especially if they have finances and assets tied together. It’s too much to lose and they would rather keep you around as the side instead of letting you go because they like the control it brings them.

If you’ve made peace with being the other woman and can continue on without getting feelings involved or wanting more then by all means, mjolo is fun, but it comes with some cost.

Which is often at your own detriment, taking a toll on your mental health, self-esteem and worth.

Also read: Feel Good: Are there ways to cheat without getting caught?

Being the other woman

If you were blindsided by his dual life, then finding out you’re not the only one can have adverse psychological effects on you. The news can push you into depression, cause anxiety, trust issues, and take a toll on your self-esteem.

Just know that him cheating on you, is a reflection of himself and not you.

Being the other woman is a lonely experience, because you can’t be together like a traditional couple. He’s not always at your beck and call and the relationship will leave you feeling drained both mentally and emotionally.

One thing most women find is that they start to see the lies spewing out the minute they find out the truth.

“Nothing he said after I found out I was the other woman mattered. I couldn’t believe a word that came out of his mouth after that. It just all sounded like he’d rehearsed lines from a script.”
One Feel Good listener shared

The best one is when they tell you, “I don’t love my wife anymore. She doesn’t make me feel like you. We don’t even have sex anymore.”

Another big lesson is that you can’t trust the person who’s cheating WITH you. You don’t know what he’s like in his relationship with her. So, unless his actions match the words, don’t believe anything he tells you.

Most women settle with being the other woman because they’ve been in it with him for a long time. They don’t think there’s anything better for them and would rather put up with and tolerate the scraps he’s serving than to believe they deserve better.

Also read: The Best T in the City: Don’t marry the best sex partner

Written by: Natasha

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