Kaya Drive: When a colleague is dealing with grief
By: Natasha Archary
Grief is a universal experience, one that is a normal and natural response to the loss of a loved one. That said, how does one approach a colleague who is dealing with grief?
What is the right or wrong thing to say? Should you say anything at all or give your colleague space? Is giving them space and not saying anything comforting cold and isolating, sending them a message that you don’t care?
When it comes to grief, every person deals with death in their own way and there isn’t a textbook approach to expressing condolences or offering support during a time of bereavement.
This is something that Sizwe Dhlomo personally dealt with last week, in coming to terms with the loss of a loved one. That too, a child.
“At a time when the emotions are still so raw and I’m trying to be there for my girlfriend, and deal with this on my own as well, the last thing I wanted was to respond to messages asking, ‘Are you okay?’ Like, no. I’m not okay but I also don’t want to get into why I’m not okay or go into detail about what happened, with my colleagues.”
Sizwe on dealing with grief
He expressed that while he was fielding messages from colleagues, there were also calls and texts from family who were equally concerned, which he prioritised.
His point was that while he appreciated the sentiment from colleagues, he just wasn’t didn’t want to let them into that part of his life.
Listen to the conversation on Kaya Drive:
When a colleague is grieving
Being an empathetic colleague, line manager or leader is more than just being considerate when there are deadlines to be met.
Most companies do not have a conducive work environment for employees who are dealing with grief but the expectation that people should just “bounce back” or “snap out of it” is unrealistic.
Let your presence be known but do not impose. At a time of loss, it is important to understand your role and if you’re not especially close to a colleague, it is best to give a grieving colleague space.
- Ask if they need anything
- Understand work isn’t a priority right now
- Offer emotional support in the form of counselling
- Be human and take on some of your grieving colleague’s responsibility to give them a break without expecting anything in return
- Send a care package which can include a home-cooked meal or vouchers for groceries. You could even order a few necessities as chances are, someone who is in mourning has neglected to cook or buy supplies
- Don’t be invasive and pry as to what happened or how they’re coping. Allow them privacy, it is a difficult time.
Dealing with grief is a deeply personal and private experience that can only be experienced not described. Be mindful of the other’s feelings and give people the time they need to overcome their loss.
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